The Tale of Daffodilia
Once upon a time, there lived a smart, hardworking, and kind princess in a little kingdom called Chapeltopia. Life was good in Chapeltopia, but not for Daffodilia. I mean, sure, she was a princess, and lived in a tall tower and had people who brought her food and warm milk in a sippy cup of gold. That part was totally awesome. The problem was her hair. Her hair was an immense trial!
Her hair also never stopped growing and it grew really fast. It also couldn't be cut. Her hair was magic. It was alive. Cutting even a single strand was itchy. Even split ends were kinda tingley. But more importantly than that, bad things would happen if she cut her hair.
Princess Daffodilia's hair was beautiful. It was brown, curly, thick and incredibly long. But it was also magic, and the magic meant a couple of things. First, it was always, always, always tangled. As soon as her mom, Queen Begonia, finished moisturizing and combing just two little tangled hairs, those two hairs immediately found each other again, did the tangle dance, and just like that - cha cha cha - they were tangled again! Detangling her entire head was simply impossible. There wasn't enough time in the day or bobonut moisturizer in the world to ever finish the job.
The second impact of her magic hair was on the kingdom. Theirs was the only land in the region with warm weather, plentiful rainfall, and healthy crops and animals. In an epic battle between a good and bad witch, the kingdom was given wonderful bounties on the day of Daffodilia's birth, but there was also a curse. Should she ever cut her hair, even a little bit, a foul air would envelop the kingdom, destroying the crops, making her people cranky and making the kingdom uninhabitable. Cutting her hair was unthinkable, she couldn't let her people suffer. The kind and benevolent thing to do was was to let her hair grow and grow.
Oh, how Daffodilia wished she had straight, shiny, untangled, unsnarly hair! She complained about it but it didn't do her much good. "Ugh," she said, "there has to be something we can do."
Her mother sort of understood. "My hair is shorter than yours and it's easy enough to manage," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. Her father, King Whatsisname, definitely didn't get it. His hair was straight and short and wouldn't know a tangle even if it went to beauty school.
So, she never got a haircut, and her hair got longer and longer and tanglier and tanglier. The gerbils who lived on her head, all 34 of them, couldn't control the tangles either, despite working their poor little paws to the bone. Her monkey Jerome, who held her hair off the floor and away from the ceiling fans, shooed away the nesting birds, and picked the leaves out, didn't know what to do either and was at his wit's end.
Princess Daffodilia spent her days alone in the tower at the castle. She couldn't play with the other children as her hair would ensnare the jump rope or the Pokemon cards or the other children. She remembered the long day at the hair salon getting Ramon, who had gotten stuck during a frenzied game of "monkey in the middle", separated from a large tangle that left him dangling from her back.. She couldn't climb on the play structure because her hair would get stuck on the bars.
One day, while feeling slightly bored and sorry for herself, she heard a cheery "Hallo!" from down below. She looked out the window to see a handsome young man below. It was Lord Leftasneer, from the castle over the hill. He wasn't very bright and he bragged too much, but Daffodilia was desperate for someone to play with.
"Hi Lefty!"
"Mi'lady, 'tis a grand sight to see you this fine morn."
"Come up and let's have a play date. I've got a room full of toys."
"That would please me muchly. I endeavor to recount the tale of my great victory in the Royal Games and you would be much interested to hear how I triumphed over the..."
"Yeah yeah yeah. I'm sure you were wonderful. You can tell me all about it when you get up here."
"But mi'lady, how ever might I ascend? ‘Tis no way to reach you."
It was true. Entry to the tower was forbidden to all except the king, queen, and royal guards. More to the point, since Daffodilia didn't care much for the rules and would happily let Leftasneer in anyways, the stairs were under repair and couldn’t be climbed. Daffodilia thought for a moment and had an idea.
"Do you remember the story of Rapunzel?" she asked.
"I endeavor not to read books. For they have words and writing. I care not for writing and words."
"Ok... sure... but you watched the movie, right?"
"Err, methinks I did."
"Good. I'm going to throw my hair down and you can climb up it, just like in Rapunzel."
With the help of all of the gerbils, Daffodilia started dragging her hair across the floor. With a deep grunt, followed by 34 little squeaky grunts, her hair slowly started to move. Daffodilia pulled, the gerbils pushed, and eventually, they got the hair to the window. They started throwing tangles of hair out the window, and it rolled down, bouncing and swaying as it went. It was going well until one gerbil got her paw stuck in a giant snarl and went out the window with it.
"Oopsie poopsie!" said Daffodilia, "Are you okay?"
The gerbil quickly scrambled back in the window and continued to help. One tangle caught on the flagpole on the side of the tower, another captured a flock of birds flying by, and a third was so big it wouldn't fit through the window. Eventually enough hair was out the window to reach the ground.
Grabbing a tangle, Leftasneer leapt up and started to climb, only to immediately get his arm entangled. He pulled his sword out with his other hand, but it too was quickly tangled and the sword bounced away from him. Like a fly caught in a spider's web, the more he struggled, the more tangled he became. Before long, he was unable to move and was hanging upside down.
"Oh dear me," he said, as he wiggled helplessly and the blood rushed to his head, "whatever should I do?"
Leftasneer hung there for awhile, grumpy and tired, and completely incapable of finding a way to get free. He struggled a bit more, but that just made it worse.
"Ahh. Argh. Yerfffff," he said.
Daffodilia on the other hand, gave it some thought. She could wait for the Royal Guards - they were always trying to help. But they only knew about fighting and armor and marching in lines, and didn't know anything about hair. Regardless, they were away from the castle right now doing maneuvers. She did have a large bucket of Bobonut moisturizer - her mother bought it in bulk from the Royal Megabox Superstore down the road - and it could be effective at removing the tangles, at least for a few minutes.
She asked the gerbils to take the moisturizer and start working it into the hair near the beleaguered lad. The gerbils set to work and slowly started to make progress. Alas, the little lord kept struggling and getting tangled again, so one of the gerbils tied his hands to keep him still.
Eventually they got him free. He fell to the ground with an "oof," and then jumped up, started screaming, and ran away into the woods. He kept screaming as he ran away, and they heard his screams grow fainter until the sun went down.
Daffodilia sighed. While that had been interesting, she still didn't have a friend to play with and still didn't have anything to do. She sighed again, deeper this time. After the third, even louder and more expectant sigh, Jerome, her favorite monkey, and a fairly clever fellow himself, suggested that they try something new.
"Mi'lady, perchance there is a way to be free without cutting or detangling your hair. Let us seek the council of the great and illustrious high priestess of hair, the Royal Loctician,” he said.
"I'll try anything," the frustrated princess said.
"I shall summon Priestess Omifu at once."
Soon, the Priestess appeared at the door of the bedchamber. Wearing a long kinta cloth robe, bedecked in jewels, and covered from head to toe in thick black hair, Omifu cast an imposing figure. She was very tall with wide hips and hands the size of pizzas. There were rumors that she was half yeti, and took her size and hairiness from that side of the family. Ducking to fit through the door, she came in singing a song Daffodilia had never heard, in a language she didn't understand, with a booming voice that made the furniture shake and the windows rattle.
"Let's see what we've got here!" she said as the gerbils cowered and Jerome covered his ears.
After quickly surveying the situation, Omifu clapped her hands to get everyone's attention.
"’Tis but a simple remedy required," she said. "Braids. Cornrows. But first, I must cast a spell to coax the keratin spirits to work together.”
She spoke some unintelligible words in a low voice, so low that Daffodilia couldn't hear. As Omifu chanted, Daffodilia noticed her hair starting to tingle. Omifu drew circles in the air with her hands, and clapped three times. Closing her eyes, she brought her hands together with palms up, and slowly breathed out a low moan that sounded a little like rolling thunder. Daffodilia's hair started to shake and twist, some of it rising into the air. Opening her eyes slowly, Omifu smiled and looked around the room.
"Good," she said. "The spirits have listened. We can begin to braid the hair. We will start at the top and work our way down. Gerbils in a row, Jerome guiding from the sides and clearing out the birds, leaves, and always applying plenty of bobonut."
One by one, slow by slow, the group worked their way through the morass of hair, moisturizing, pulling, detangling, and quickly turning it into thin tight braids. It was a long day, but by the end, as the sun set and the last braid was tied with a strand of royal silk, a cheer erupted in the room. Daffodilia was pleased and she was proud of her friends. Her hair was in much better shape, in fact, it was quite beautiful. She looked in the mirror and felt so proud.
The next day, Daffodilia went out on the streets, enjoying her new freedom, to see the people of her kingdom for the first time since she was a toddler and her hair was much shorter. She was amazed by the stores, the hubbub of activity, the sunshine and fresh air. No one recognized her at first - but soon people turned to look and saw their princess smiling. They clapped and cheered, "Welcome Princess!"
Daffodilia was pleased. Everything was going so well. Her hair, once a burden, was now a joy. She walked with a spring in her step, which soon turned into a little dance.
As she walked through town, she heard someone crying. Rounding a corner, she saw her friend Zinniarella, sitting next to a fountain, with her head in her hands and wet streaks down her face.
"What's wrong?" Daffodilia asked.
"My hair is so horrible! It's straight and thin and boring. I wish I had hair like yours with curls and bounce. And now you have those beautiful braids!” she wailed.
"I know just what you mean," Daffodilia said, smiling gently and putting her hand on her friend’s shoulder.
Jerome and Omifu looked at each other. The gerbils squeaked in recognition. Then they looked at Daffodilia.
"We got this!" they all said in unison.
Her hair also never stopped growing and it grew really fast. It also couldn't be cut. Her hair was magic. It was alive. Cutting even a single strand was itchy. Even split ends were kinda tingley. But more importantly than that, bad things would happen if she cut her hair.
Princess Daffodilia's hair was beautiful. It was brown, curly, thick and incredibly long. But it was also magic, and the magic meant a couple of things. First, it was always, always, always tangled. As soon as her mom, Queen Begonia, finished moisturizing and combing just two little tangled hairs, those two hairs immediately found each other again, did the tangle dance, and just like that - cha cha cha - they were tangled again! Detangling her entire head was simply impossible. There wasn't enough time in the day or bobonut moisturizer in the world to ever finish the job.
The second impact of her magic hair was on the kingdom. Theirs was the only land in the region with warm weather, plentiful rainfall, and healthy crops and animals. In an epic battle between a good and bad witch, the kingdom was given wonderful bounties on the day of Daffodilia's birth, but there was also a curse. Should she ever cut her hair, even a little bit, a foul air would envelop the kingdom, destroying the crops, making her people cranky and making the kingdom uninhabitable. Cutting her hair was unthinkable, she couldn't let her people suffer. The kind and benevolent thing to do was was to let her hair grow and grow.
Oh, how Daffodilia wished she had straight, shiny, untangled, unsnarly hair! She complained about it but it didn't do her much good. "Ugh," she said, "there has to be something we can do."
Her mother sort of understood. "My hair is shorter than yours and it's easy enough to manage," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. Her father, King Whatsisname, definitely didn't get it. His hair was straight and short and wouldn't know a tangle even if it went to beauty school.
So, she never got a haircut, and her hair got longer and longer and tanglier and tanglier. The gerbils who lived on her head, all 34 of them, couldn't control the tangles either, despite working their poor little paws to the bone. Her monkey Jerome, who held her hair off the floor and away from the ceiling fans, shooed away the nesting birds, and picked the leaves out, didn't know what to do either and was at his wit's end.
Princess Daffodilia spent her days alone in the tower at the castle. She couldn't play with the other children as her hair would ensnare the jump rope or the Pokemon cards or the other children. She remembered the long day at the hair salon getting Ramon, who had gotten stuck during a frenzied game of "monkey in the middle", separated from a large tangle that left him dangling from her back.. She couldn't climb on the play structure because her hair would get stuck on the bars.
One day, while feeling slightly bored and sorry for herself, she heard a cheery "Hallo!" from down below. She looked out the window to see a handsome young man below. It was Lord Leftasneer, from the castle over the hill. He wasn't very bright and he bragged too much, but Daffodilia was desperate for someone to play with.
"Hi Lefty!"
"Mi'lady, 'tis a grand sight to see you this fine morn."
"Come up and let's have a play date. I've got a room full of toys."
"That would please me muchly. I endeavor to recount the tale of my great victory in the Royal Games and you would be much interested to hear how I triumphed over the..."
"Yeah yeah yeah. I'm sure you were wonderful. You can tell me all about it when you get up here."
"But mi'lady, how ever might I ascend? ‘Tis no way to reach you."
It was true. Entry to the tower was forbidden to all except the king, queen, and royal guards. More to the point, since Daffodilia didn't care much for the rules and would happily let Leftasneer in anyways, the stairs were under repair and couldn’t be climbed. Daffodilia thought for a moment and had an idea.
"Do you remember the story of Rapunzel?" she asked.
"I endeavor not to read books. For they have words and writing. I care not for writing and words."
"Ok... sure... but you watched the movie, right?"
"Err, methinks I did."
"Good. I'm going to throw my hair down and you can climb up it, just like in Rapunzel."
With the help of all of the gerbils, Daffodilia started dragging her hair across the floor. With a deep grunt, followed by 34 little squeaky grunts, her hair slowly started to move. Daffodilia pulled, the gerbils pushed, and eventually, they got the hair to the window. They started throwing tangles of hair out the window, and it rolled down, bouncing and swaying as it went. It was going well until one gerbil got her paw stuck in a giant snarl and went out the window with it.
"Oopsie poopsie!" said Daffodilia, "Are you okay?"
The gerbil quickly scrambled back in the window and continued to help. One tangle caught on the flagpole on the side of the tower, another captured a flock of birds flying by, and a third was so big it wouldn't fit through the window. Eventually enough hair was out the window to reach the ground.
Grabbing a tangle, Leftasneer leapt up and started to climb, only to immediately get his arm entangled. He pulled his sword out with his other hand, but it too was quickly tangled and the sword bounced away from him. Like a fly caught in a spider's web, the more he struggled, the more tangled he became. Before long, he was unable to move and was hanging upside down.
"Oh dear me," he said, as he wiggled helplessly and the blood rushed to his head, "whatever should I do?"
Leftasneer hung there for awhile, grumpy and tired, and completely incapable of finding a way to get free. He struggled a bit more, but that just made it worse.
"Ahh. Argh. Yerfffff," he said.
Daffodilia on the other hand, gave it some thought. She could wait for the Royal Guards - they were always trying to help. But they only knew about fighting and armor and marching in lines, and didn't know anything about hair. Regardless, they were away from the castle right now doing maneuvers. She did have a large bucket of Bobonut moisturizer - her mother bought it in bulk from the Royal Megabox Superstore down the road - and it could be effective at removing the tangles, at least for a few minutes.
She asked the gerbils to take the moisturizer and start working it into the hair near the beleaguered lad. The gerbils set to work and slowly started to make progress. Alas, the little lord kept struggling and getting tangled again, so one of the gerbils tied his hands to keep him still.
Eventually they got him free. He fell to the ground with an "oof," and then jumped up, started screaming, and ran away into the woods. He kept screaming as he ran away, and they heard his screams grow fainter until the sun went down.
Daffodilia sighed. While that had been interesting, she still didn't have a friend to play with and still didn't have anything to do. She sighed again, deeper this time. After the third, even louder and more expectant sigh, Jerome, her favorite monkey, and a fairly clever fellow himself, suggested that they try something new.
"Mi'lady, perchance there is a way to be free without cutting or detangling your hair. Let us seek the council of the great and illustrious high priestess of hair, the Royal Loctician,” he said.
"I'll try anything," the frustrated princess said.
"I shall summon Priestess Omifu at once."
Soon, the Priestess appeared at the door of the bedchamber. Wearing a long kinta cloth robe, bedecked in jewels, and covered from head to toe in thick black hair, Omifu cast an imposing figure. She was very tall with wide hips and hands the size of pizzas. There were rumors that she was half yeti, and took her size and hairiness from that side of the family. Ducking to fit through the door, she came in singing a song Daffodilia had never heard, in a language she didn't understand, with a booming voice that made the furniture shake and the windows rattle.
"Let's see what we've got here!" she said as the gerbils cowered and Jerome covered his ears.
After quickly surveying the situation, Omifu clapped her hands to get everyone's attention.
"’Tis but a simple remedy required," she said. "Braids. Cornrows. But first, I must cast a spell to coax the keratin spirits to work together.”
She spoke some unintelligible words in a low voice, so low that Daffodilia couldn't hear. As Omifu chanted, Daffodilia noticed her hair starting to tingle. Omifu drew circles in the air with her hands, and clapped three times. Closing her eyes, she brought her hands together with palms up, and slowly breathed out a low moan that sounded a little like rolling thunder. Daffodilia's hair started to shake and twist, some of it rising into the air. Opening her eyes slowly, Omifu smiled and looked around the room.
"Good," she said. "The spirits have listened. We can begin to braid the hair. We will start at the top and work our way down. Gerbils in a row, Jerome guiding from the sides and clearing out the birds, leaves, and always applying plenty of bobonut."
One by one, slow by slow, the group worked their way through the morass of hair, moisturizing, pulling, detangling, and quickly turning it into thin tight braids. It was a long day, but by the end, as the sun set and the last braid was tied with a strand of royal silk, a cheer erupted in the room. Daffodilia was pleased and she was proud of her friends. Her hair was in much better shape, in fact, it was quite beautiful. She looked in the mirror and felt so proud.
The next day, Daffodilia went out on the streets, enjoying her new freedom, to see the people of her kingdom for the first time since she was a toddler and her hair was much shorter. She was amazed by the stores, the hubbub of activity, the sunshine and fresh air. No one recognized her at first - but soon people turned to look and saw their princess smiling. They clapped and cheered, "Welcome Princess!"
Daffodilia was pleased. Everything was going so well. Her hair, once a burden, was now a joy. She walked with a spring in her step, which soon turned into a little dance.
As she walked through town, she heard someone crying. Rounding a corner, she saw her friend Zinniarella, sitting next to a fountain, with her head in her hands and wet streaks down her face.
"What's wrong?" Daffodilia asked.
"My hair is so horrible! It's straight and thin and boring. I wish I had hair like yours with curls and bounce. And now you have those beautiful braids!” she wailed.
"I know just what you mean," Daffodilia said, smiling gently and putting her hand on her friend’s shoulder.
Jerome and Omifu looked at each other. The gerbils squeaked in recognition. Then they looked at Daffodilia.
"We got this!" they all said in unison.
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